You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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