Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
