I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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