On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
