the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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