one two three fourrrrnication!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
