i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
