Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
