I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
