Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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