either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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