Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
