So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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