She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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