If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
