i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
