just tell him i said nine months
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
