yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
