if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
