I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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