You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
