then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
