ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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