Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
