guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are a booty call, not a friend.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
