just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
