Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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