i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
