Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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