The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
