Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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