I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
