so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
