that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
