Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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