it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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