Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
