dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
