He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
