Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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