I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
