i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
