Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
