she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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