Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
