3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
