All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
