There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
