Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
