so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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