how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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