Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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